So far, motherhood has been a great lesson in not preplanning my emotions. It’s also been a humbling reminder that I can feel as confident as I want in how I assume I’ll feel about something, but that won’t always make it true. So, this is a post about embracing a new challenge.
My Background
When I graduated from Penn State, I was a starry-eyed young professional determined to carve out a career for myself in the communications and marketing industry. Like so many before me, I started at a large agency with 10+ clients and ultimately burned out after grinding it out for several years. At the time, moving companies and working on a single client felt like a cure for all the ills of agency life. I never considered that in reality, a change in my career trajectory was what I wanted deep down but didn’t have the bravery or privilege of pursuing at the time. And, overlooked in my pursuit to find tolerable working circumstances was that the passion I felt during my college studies was rapidly fading.
Everything that I had envisioned in college about working in the communications field – having the creative license to draft content to my liking, using my creative writing skills, etc. – I quickly realized were not available in an agency or government contracting setting.
I also realized that the solution I’d been looking for all along was right in front of me – embracing the challenge of using my blog as a creative outlet sounded so freeing (no bureaucratic approval processes, no guardrails). I don’t think I ever would have come about this realization without meeting Eleanor. As a matter of fact, if you’d have asked me (or anyone who knew me), even up until the drive to the hospital to deliver Eleanor, I was dead certain that I would be returning to work at the end of my allotted leave.
Managing My Emotions
Since Eleanor has been born, I’ve done my best to live in the moment and soak up every minute of time off I’ve had with her. And I have been able to, to a certain extent. But in the back of my mind, I have constantly had this lingering feeling of anxiety that time has been passing too quickly, and that before long, she’d be off to daycare.
It was hard to manage the emotions I was feeling about dropping her off at daycare to work at home from my living room in a career that I was feeling burnt out from and had been quickly losing passion for. At the same time, it was hard to manage the emotions I was feeling about potentially leaving my job – even if temporarily – what a huge identity shift that would be for me, and what judgment may come along with it. And also, what a unique privilege it is to even have the choice for me to step back from a traditional career, even if only temporarily, and how cognizant I am that this is certainly not an option for everyone despite how deep that desire may be.
Identity Shift
The main thought that consumed me was, what happens when you start to actually FEAR being promoted? I was starting to feel terrified of more opportunities at work and what that would mean, rather than feeling that excitement I associated with advancement early in my career. It felt more and more clear that climbing further up the corporate ladder meant further distancing myself from life at home with my family, and my new daughter.
While the anxiety of an identity shift of staying home is slightly less than the anxiety I have about missing out on precious time with Eleanor that I won’t get back, it very much still exists. Am I making the right decision? Will I regret this? These are questions that I can’t know the answer to in the moment, but what I do know is that this is what feels right for me and my family at this time. And what this has taught me is that it's important to remain open, to not blindly assume I know exactly how I’ll feel in any given situation because you truly can’t know until you’re in it.
So, with excitement and fear, I am embracing a new challenge and starting a new journey and trading in “Account Supervisor and Eleanor’s Mom” for “Eleanor’s Mom and Hopeful Blogger on the Side.” Who knows how long this will last, who knows how I’ll feel months or years from now, but I have a feeling I won’t regret trying.
Lacy says
I love this for you! You will have no regrets! I look forward for consuming all of the content you decide to put out, and I am over the moon excited for you in your journey!
Katie says
Congratulations! I am excited to come along for your journey!
Manda says
Congratulations on starting a new journey as a SAHM! I also felt like I could never be a SAHM and looked forward to going back to work once our daughter was born, but how quickly that changed once she was actually here! Cheers to new adventures ahead!! 💜
Cindy Ott says
You will love it! I did the same thing. I was working as an HR professional before I had my first child. I thought I would be going back as well at the end of my leave, but I just couldn't do it and felt I needed to be with my child. I had a second child after that and once they were a little older and in school, a very flexible work from home job that is in the HR field fell right in my lap and I have been working for them for the past 17 years on a part time schedule. Everything seemed to work out just fine for me. Now, I still get to enjoy my adult children and build even more memories with them.
Melissa R says
Such a powerful post. I couldn’t imagine going back so quickly after having a baby, I was able to take a year off to have the time to watch my baby grow, have time to focus on my own recovery and enjoy the break.
I also agree, family time becomes so much more precious, I’m happy in my career but work life balance is definitely a top priority in any work considerations.
Tasha says
Congrats on this huge new life decision. You’re rocking motherhood. I made the same decision. Almost 3 years later, I still wake up every morning thankful I’m home. I love this blog space. I love hearing your heart. The look is awesome too! 👏🏾♥️ -tashadlc
Katie says
Being raised as an only child, I always was instilled with the idea from my parents that not only could I do anything I wanted and succeed… but that I should do EVERYTHING and succeed at it ALL! Be a lawyer AND a professional singer AND a mom who is as effective as a mom who can stay home. It has taken a long time for me to acknowledge that the ‘go getter’ attitude to get the promotion was not necessarily my own and more money did not mean more success or that I was thriving. I LOVE hearing from you because it reminds me that I am not alone and it is so important to listen to that little voice and honor it!
Linda P says
Love this! My boys are grown and in college but that fear of being promoted is something I completely understand. While I did work through their childhood, I made conscious decisions about my career choices and turned down multiple roles that would require more of me. It may have slowed my career at times but I have zero regrets because the choices I made allowed me to be at every school activity and soccer game and THOSE are some of my best memories.
M says
Congratulations! I've been home with my daughter for 4.5 years and have another on the way and don't regret a minute. You're still going to be working, just in a different capacity. It's hard sometimes, but so worth it! these years of them just being yours are so precious. Looking forward to the blog. Enjoy!
Debbie Maggi says
I’m so happy for you!! ❤️
Beth says
I am so happy that you have this opportunity to be a yay at home
Mom. I was able to do so but very few moms in this day and age get this opportunity. Cherish it. I am sure you realize how precious it is. I wish more moms were able to do this. It isn’t easy and there are days that you will wish you were working to talk to anyone but a baby or a dog!!! This will pass and you will find those moms. You will also be asked to be one of the room moms from kindergarten through 6th grade and no one will volunteer to send in anything - just saying. Enjoy! Ellie is blessed!